Sunday, 7 February 2016

It's not goodbye, It's until we meet Again

I've been sitting here for the last while contemplating on whether or not to write this post, but it's real life and that's what me and my blog are all about.

If you follow me on any of my social media accounts, you'll know of my recent loss. If not, then I'll quickly fill you in. On January 24th, we got the call we'd always dreaded. My grandmother was very ill. 
We have a small family on my Dads side, so we all spent the night by Nans side. I'm not going to go into too much detail as I need to respect my Nan and my family's privacy. We had a whole week of telling stories of times gone by etc around her bedside, but she grew weaker. 
And on Saturday 30th January in the early morning, we kissed her Goodnight one last time.
Even though we knew all week how ill she was, it didn't make it easier. 
And on Monday we laid her to rest. 
To say it's been a tough 2 weeks of our lives is an understatement. We are all heartbroken. She was the heart to our family, the petal to our rose, the chorus of our song and the branches of our tree. There's a hole in each one of our lives. 

I was helping my dad write a little speech to say at her funeral, and it was then I realised even though it was an extremely sad day for us, we were celebrating her life. Everything she had done and achieved. She had 3 amazing children who I'm proud to call my aunts and my dad. 

As the saying goes "If mam says no, go ask Nan" and that was always true in our case. You'd ask Nan to jump and she would say "How High?" 

So I hear you saying where is this post leading? 
If you are experiencing a loss of any sort, you are not alone. Reach out to your family and friends. It's a normal process to experience days where you feel down, days where you just want one last hug, a chance to tell them you love them. You are grieving, and you are not alone. Life is full of ups and downs, and unfortunately the majority of us have to go through the death of a loved one at some stage in our lives. It will be the hardest thing you will go through, but reach out. There is ALWAYS someone there to listen, you don't have to grieve on your own. But it is perfectly ok to need time for yourself. 

It's only been over a week since nan left us, yes I am still grieving, yes I am still hurt, you don't get over these things in a day, but I wanted to share with you that it's ok to not be ok. Part of the reason for this post is there is so many people suffering with mental health issues, and the loss of a loved one can be the cause of this. 

I will miss Nan for forever and a day. It will get easier, but it will take time. I'm doing ok, this week has been tough. At night if I hadn't been up to see her, I'd ring Dad to see how she was. Sometimes he was with her and he'd put the phone up to her ear, and I'd hear her say "Hello Duckey". That is what I'll miss, hearing her call me what no one else did, her soft lips giving me a goodbye kiss on the cheek, her cheeky little smile, and her giving out to me for painting her nails. 

But it's not Goodbye, it's until we meet again. I hope I do her proud in everything I do in the future. And I know she will be with me, guiding me through every step of the way. 

This post is a very different and a very personal one, but I hope you or someone you know may benefit from the objective of this. 

Tell that someone you love and kiss them goodnight tonight. Grab life with 2 hands as it goes by so fast. 

Chat to you all soon, 
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